What is a good first message on LinkedIn?

The first message is the handshake after the door opens. Your first message decides whether the person who just accepted becomes a conversation or another name in a list of thousands.

Get it wrong and you are one more stranger with an offer. Get it right and they tell you, in their own words, why they said yes. That reply is where a conversation gets its chance to start. It also only works if the request itself stayed quiet, which is why we send requests without a note.

Why do so few people reply to a first message on LinkedIn?

So few people reply because the average first message looks like a pitch, and buyers spot a pitch in the first line. They have seen its cousins a hundred times this year and can smell a template before they finish reading. If yours looks the same, it gets the same treatment, which is silence.

A founder told me on a call that he was sending everything the gurus recommended and getting two or three replies a week, with nothing that turned into a real conversation. Another said people would reply once and then vanish the moment she asked them anything that mattered.

Look at the inbox of anyone senior and you will see why. The Noise Machine fills it every day: bots that connect and pitch in the same minute, "I help founders like you" messages, offers of free audits, calendar links from strangers, and people selling booked appointments by the dozen. Your buyer has learned to spot a pitch in the first line and stop reading.

So the first message cannot look like any of that. When you connect with somebody and the first thing they read is "I help", you are pitching, and they know it. A thank-you after someone has accepted is different, because they said yes first, and getting clients without cold DMs explains why it does not count as one.

I learnt how cruel a cold approach can be on foot. I sold encyclopedias door to door, and I was chased by my fair share of dogs. Some of them caught me. That is cold calling: the door, the gatekeeper and the teeth, all before you have said a word. LinkedIn removes the gatekeeper. Once someone accepts, you are already through the gate, and the only way to waste that is to start selling. Earn the conversation first.

What should the first message actually say?

Your first message should thank them twice and ask one easy question about why they accepted. That is the whole job. No pitch, no link and no company name. Here is the version we use on client accounts, and underneath it, what each line is doing.

"Hey Sarah, really appreciate you connecting, and thanks for letting me into your network. I ask everyone the same thing. What made you accept? Were you just topping up the numbers, was it something on my profile, or did I just land on your list that day?"

It looks simple. Every line is doing something.

• A small thanks. "Really appreciate you connecting." Polite, short, normal.
• A bigger thanks. "Thanks for letting me into your network." It treats their yes as something you did not take for granted, which is rarer than it should be.
• An alibi. "I ask everyone the same thing." Now the question is a habit of yours, not an interrogation of them.
• The question. "What made you accept?" Easy to answer, about them, and impossible to answer without telling you something.
• The doors. Three easy ways out, one of them a joke at your own expense. People reply because you made it easy, and because the joke shows there is a human on the other end.

Why a question about them, and not a line about you? Because people like talking about themselves far more than they like reading about you. A reply also costs them almost nothing when the question is this easy, and once someone has replied once, the second reply comes much more readily. Nobody ever taught most of us how to start a conversation. We just assume we know how, and the inbox proves we don't.

Notice what is missing. No pitch. No link. No company name. No offer. If they want to know what you do, your profile is one click away, and they will look.

What is a good first message on LinkedIn?

A good first message on LinkedIn is short, polite and about them: a thank-you, one question and nothing to sell. Here are three we would happily send, each under 150 characters, for when the longer version above does not suit the person or your style.

"Hi Sarah, really appreciate you connecting, and thanks for letting me into your network. What made you say yes?"

"Hi James, thanks for connecting. I enjoyed your post on hiring your first salesperson. What made you write it?"

"Hi Priya, thanks for letting me into your network. I see you went from a big firm to your own. What prompted the jump?"

Each one thanks them, asks one question about them, and stops. The second and third only work if the detail is real, so look at their profile or their last post before you send them. Never borrow a detail you have not read for yourself, because the reply will expose it.

What should you never put in a first LinkedIn message?

Never put anything in a first LinkedIn message that asks before it gives. That rules out offers, links, paragraphs about you and vague questions about their week. Every one of those asks them to do work for you before they know why they should bother. Here is the full list to check your draft against:

• an offer, a free review, an event invite or a link
• a calendar link, or any request for a call
• a paragraph about you, your company or your results
• a vague question about their week that nobody wants to answer
• more than one question

And never let software send it for you. Automated first messages are the fastest way to get noticed for the wrong reasons, by your prospect and by LinkedIn. If you are tempted, read whether LinkedIn will restrict your account for using automation first.

How long should a first message on LinkedIn be?

A first message on LinkedIn should be two to four short sentences, short enough to read on a phone without scrolling. Anything longer looks like a pitch before they have read a word. The thank-you, the question and the easy ways out are all it needs, and every extra line is one more reason to leave it for later.

Your buyer reads LinkedIn messages the way they read a text from a stranger: in the queue at the coffee shop, between two calls, thumb hovering over the archive button. A long block of text says homework. A short one says this will take ten seconds. Write for the queue at the coffee shop, and end on the question, so the last thing they read is the thing you want them to answer.

When should you send the first message on LinkedIn?

Send the first message on LinkedIn a day or two after they accept, during the working week, Tuesday to Thursday if you can. Never seconds after they accept, because an instant reply looks like software, and never weeks later, when they have forgotten who you are and why they said yes.

The day or two matters more than it looks. When someone accepts, LinkedIn tells you straight away, and the temptation is to pounce. Don't. A message that lands in the same minute as the accept tells them a machine was waiting. A message the next day tells them a person noticed.

Weekends are the other trap. A thank-you that arrives on a Saturday sits under a pile of Monday messages by the time they open it. Midweek, during working hours in their time zone, it gets seen.

Can you use the same first message for everyone on LinkedIn?

Yes, and you should, at least to begin with. One agreed thank-you, sent to everyone who accepts on LinkedIn, is the only way to know whether it works. When every message is different, a good week or a bad week tells you nothing about the words. It only tells you about your luck.

That surprises people, because they have been told to personalise everything. A personal touch is good when the detail is real, like the post you actually read. But a fresh message for every person means you can never compare one version against another. Keep one version as your control, add a real detail when you have one, and let a month of replies decide what stays.

What do you say once they reply?

Once they reply, ask about them and do not pitch. The person who just replied has given you a little trust, and the quickest way to spend it is to answer with your services. Mirror what they said in a few words, then ask one more question about their world.

If they say your headline caught their eye because they are wrestling with the same problem, ask what that looks like for them right now. At a “braai” (barbecue) I'd ask one question and shut up. The DM works the same way, and how to turn a LinkedIn conversation into a sales opportunity shows where those questions lead.

This is the point where most connections stall, and why connections do not turn into conversations goes deeper into why. If they go quiet after your second message, following up after silence without sounding pushy shows you what to send, once.

Should you send a first message to people who connect with you?

Yes. When someone sends you a request on LinkedIn and you accept, send them the same thank-you and the same kind of question. They chose you, which makes the question about why even easier to answer, and their reply often tells you exactly what they hoped you could help with.

Turn the question round slightly: "Thanks for reaching out, really appreciate it. I ask everyone the same thing. What made you send the request?" Then listen. Some will be selling to you, and you will know in one reply. Some will be peers. And now and then one will be a buyer who has been reading your posts on LinkedIn for months. Bluebirds, I call them: the work that arrives when you least expect it.

How do you set up your first LinkedIn message this week?

You set it up in four steps, and none of them needs a tool: write one thank-you in your own words, send it to everyone who accepts, reply the same day, and leave the wording alone for a month before you test a new version. Block out an hour this week for the first step.

1. Write your thank-you. Use the five parts above in your own words. Read it aloud. If it sounds like a brochure, start again.
2. Send it to everyone who accepts. Every single person, a day or two after they accept, Tuesday to Thursday if you can. Never seconds after the accept, which looks automated.
3. Reply the same day. When someone answers, reply that day with a short acknowledgement and one question about them.
4. Leave the wording alone for a month. Count replies. Only then test a new version, and alternate the two prospect by prospect so the comparison is fair.

That last step is where people go wrong. They change the message every week because two people did not reply, and they never learn what works.

What does it look like when our team sends your first LinkedIn message?

When our team does it, every request goes without a note, and every acceptance gets a thank-you with one genuine question, sent by hand by a real operator from your own account. Each account has one agreed thank-you, written to sound like you.

We only change it when a side-by-side test says the new version does better. Nothing goes out that you have not approved, and we never sell in your name.

On Bronze, we send the thank-you and you take over when someone replies. On Silver and Gold, our team keeps the conversation moving until the point where you need to step in. We aim for 3 to 5 conversations a week on Bronze and 8 to 12 on Gold.

Who is this not for?

If you want a message that sells on contact, this is not it, and I do not know of one that works. If you will not reply when people answer, do not send anything, because an unanswered reply does more damage than silence. And if your referrals are still pouring in, you don't need us.

Thank them, ask one easy question, and let them talk. Everything else can wait for the second or third message. Your first message only has to earn a reply.